Decisions, Desperation, Depression, Decisions~

Back tracking to… let’s say… Friday, I started my day off heading to my old High School and ended up not to be greeted by a counselor but a nice 2 hour-ish wait. So that’s ok since I had time to spare before I went back to Chinatown and meet up with Ray (but he likes to be called Reign). As patient as I struggled to be, it ended up with me sitting in a classroom watching Brian and some students playing Hacky-Sack while playing some songs from the 60′s to 80′s and such on the sound dock thingy for iPods. It wasn’t too bad, the wait. But at last my counselor finally arrived from an “emergency” she had to take care of (*cough kidaccusedofstealingwalletthatbelongedtoastaffmemberandspendingthemoney cough*). Brian went in first cause he needed a long chat with Ms. Vigilance to discuss his application for an internship that lands him about $17,000 in total if picked. WoW~! So as my main objective to make the trip to Brooklyn and sit there for few hours, I was reading over some scholarship information whilst waiting for Brian to finish up his meeting. I was gonna use the internet and decided to use the Mac computer… my god I hate them. I sat in front of it and had NO idea on what to click or what button even does what. In my sad attempt I just gave up and went to the other room and used the regular computers with Windows on it. *embarrassed* As bored as I was, I decided to just play a game online while waiting since I was already finished reading over the scholarship crap, turns out I couldn’t play FlashFlashRevolution because the damn computer had no volume even though it wasn’t on mute. Gosh~! Well my pathetic attempt in trying to figure out how to turn on some freaking volume came to an end when Brian walked out finally and was my turn to go in and speak with Ms. Vigilance. Blah, blah, blah, lots of talking about scholarships, financial aid, and planning my credits, when to our lovely surprise a security guard came interrupted us because he needed the transcript for the kid who got in trouble earlier. That took up about another glorious 30 minutes or so before Ms. Vigilance wasn’t even able to find the transcript in the end. So he goes “Why don’t you send it to me later, I’ll be at the desk in the lobby.”, I’m like why didn’t you say it earlier and save me half a frawking hour?! Whatever, we finished up with our discussion and finally I was free to go! On my way down I coincidentally bumped into Vanessa and company because I thought she’d be in the train or bus going home or somewhere by now. I already forgot I had an ear piercing but to my attention I was quickly awaken of the fact that I do because she goes “Oh my god! You got your ear pierced!”, so yes I did and there’s actually more to come in a bit. After like 5 to 10 minutes of chatting, we walked together to the train station, though she went ahead to take the bus and we said our goodbyes there.

It was a quick train ride back to Chinatown, about 20 minutes to 30 at the most. Got out of the station and called Reign, which he says he was in Daffy’s at SoHo. Making my way there I got lost probably 2 or 3 times in a row. I had no idea Daffy’s was only a right turn away after walking down straight from Grand Street. I passed by the HUGE sign and flag a good few times till I finally spotted it and found him. Waited for him to try on clothes and ended up not buying anything, apparently after too much deep discussion about how cheap the clothes look but they cost about half your limbs it discourages the person to actually make any further purchases. *LoL* And we were then on our way to search for the next thing to do on the agenda, which apparently was to eat at a cheap-ish restaurant that didn’t taste like death. Ate at “Chiu Chao” or however you spell the stupid name. I picked out all the liver from my noodle soup and stuffed them all onto that little tiny plate where you squeeze soy/chili sauce onto, everything fit but the last huge piece of god knows what that was left in my bowl. *Pukes* After late-ish lunch our next location was the jewelry store where I got my first piercing on my bottom left ear lobe, he wanted one too and I thought it might be fun for a second piercing so we went and got our ears skewered, hehe not really.

Here’s a picture of my new piercing, it’s a crescent shaped stud, nothing special and kind of tiny, but it’s still there.

It is always better to not smile, yes yes.

But there you have it that’s the latest piercing I’ve got, and I do plan to get one or “few” more in the future. I really want one on my left cartilage, but hearing from so many people that it HURTS makes my decision a bit skeptical. *SighS* Well, I ended up with a new piercing and Reign ended up with his first piercing and a new hoopy diamond/gold earring (I forget which) for like $88, we could had haggled but probably end up crying.

In other news, I’ve been contemplating my decisions of what classes I should take for my first Spring semester in college. It’s been super nerve wrecking because I don’t know which classes are good to take and what I actually want to take. I’ve taken the initiative to considerably discuss the matter with someone who has actual experience in this type of situation, so I end up speaking to my “Homie Gurl”, Wendy, or as I like to call her “MOO” (don’t know why). :] So she told me it’s best to add an extra class and drop it later if I don’t like it rather than add it later, and it seems like a good advice, the only intricacy I still hold is deciding on which class it shall be added to my current schedule. I’ve narrowed it down to either Piano or Chorus, but I forgot which one requires Basic Music in order to take the second level of those classes. I would love to continue playing the piano that I’ve abandoned for SO many years now, but I also like to pursue a new talent in singing. Decisions, Decisions, Brain Shattering Decisions… :[

Other than what normally revolves in my life, there is another quandary that plagues my everyday "night" life. Which is basically sleeping issues. I don't know why but once my head hits the pillow, thousands of random thoughts flows into my head and does not disperse till I think as many as I can clearly through. They are similar or just the same thoughts every night, yet I don't understand why it has to always come back when I've already give it a thorough elucidation. What I fear is the more thoughts and memories I try to repress the more it will deluge back into my mind, or what may be worse is I might slowly actually forget the little/major details in my life for good. It happens on and off recently where I forget things out of nowhere whether it may be some thing that happened a short or long time ago. A curse that afflicts my life and is far from being gone. I wonder how it might be in the future when I start to forget people that's been in my life since the moment I was born into this world. Their problem, not mine right? Haha, I'm a foul individual. >:] Well, another theory on why I can’t sleep might be those late night infomercials that sells those easy to cook machines. Once I see them cook then I want some of what they’re cooking and I get hungry and thus unable to sleep. Weird, but… what can I do?

The most I deeply fear right now is hitting back into depression. It is seriously the late state I want to be in again but the symptoms are following my past patterns. I don’t eat a lot or enough, I either can’t sleep or just sleep WAY too much, I don’t get excited for many things anymore, and I get anxiety pains from over-thinking useless thoughts. I was actually willing to go and see that Psychiatrist that my doctor recommended for me to visit, but my Mother tells me to go see a Chinese doctor instead and go for acupuncture. So I decided to give the acupuncture crap a try, because in hindsight I’m trying to clean up my home as much as I can before my classes start on Friday, and going to the Psychiatrist then back to my doctor at the clinic would take up 2 whole days and waste the time I could had spent on cleaning up. Let’s just hope the acupuncture mumbo-jumbo will actually work and make me more focused and alert on my obligations (ie : School) and fix my A.D.D. issue. I’d hate to waste my time and slack off again, especially when this time I have to pay to go to school. I bet many people are as determined and ready for a new semester as I am and then ends up procrastinating and slacking off during the midpoint and have a panic attack when finals come. But we’re only humans right? ;P

Here’s a funny diagram/cartoon of college life I’ve found from a Xanga which I assume s/he got it from soompi.com. Enjoy~

In the spirit of exam week:
The phases of a student…